Sometimes my mind is the ultimate escape. It doesn’t require electricity or a virus protection program, but it does need maintenance. I can’t share in detail a recent life changing experience that occurred, but it did a frantic number on my thought process. I was confronted with words such as warning, threatening and watch-list. I reacted. Yes, my mind is governed by heart and stomach. I had a network moment of dissolving many acquaintances, perceived friendships, and trusted ones over the lines. I placed a lock on my gate. Ultimately our thoughts need to feel safe and not censored.
If we are not safe to think our thoughts out loud, when are we to process happiness, fear, and sadness? It is close to being told to hush laughter at a funeral because someone else would prefer to grieve quietly, all appropriate I might add because I can laugh afterwards. I recognize that when my mind is not safe, I delve into the world of stories to work my issues out. I then bring voice to them by writing, “The trees spread for her and she passed through the gate of nature and time. Some children may be frightened by the dark and the unknown, but she was drawn into the trees as if she was sleepwalking. It was sometime before she found a blackberry hedge and began to consume the amethyst jewels hungrily, whilst growing very tired,” or in my case, in the real world, a glazed doughnut and the trees representing a seemingly forgiving alternative for expression. I do get tired of sleepwalking.
I love to write and transcend into my stories, but I don’t want to live there in a deluded state and I don’t want to be censored. We cannot experience Love and Grief the same without our right to express it. I desire the safe comfort of being valued and heard just as most, and fervently hope that we continue speaking our minds, because it’s the only free thing left in the world.